I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
