I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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