Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
