i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
