My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
