Who did Billy Mays play for?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
