Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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