my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
