Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
