plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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