Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
