just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
