He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she told me i tasted like america
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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