The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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