Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
