i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
