I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
