This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
