She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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