I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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