If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
