I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
