As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"