I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs