Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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