You just made me feel so damn special
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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