What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
