I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
These tits shall not be calmed