You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.