There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
