What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
4 words: hood of his car
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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