Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
