No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
