you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
