woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize