Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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