Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
