she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
