I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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