There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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