dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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