I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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