I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
