How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
