I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
