Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
