Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
