my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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