do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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