I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
