At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So much rum. So many feels.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want a musical about memes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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