I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
