Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
