well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
