Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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