my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
