every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My feet surprised me
Randomize
