if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
