I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
