billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
