Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
