He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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