Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
