You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
