it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
