I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
