turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
