ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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