it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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