Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she looked like the before picture.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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