giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
