So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
