hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
