I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
