So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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