don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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