just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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