Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
