your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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