Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize