I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
