therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
