just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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