my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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