if you like me you must not know who I am
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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