If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
