College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
